here we go nuffin

So here i am, posting lyrics to a song i've loved and listened to a million times..but damn doesn't it make sense??? right. fucking. now ?!?!?!? Dear Spoon, Thank you for nuffin.. hearts :)

When I'm with you, all my brothers, oh
I feel like a king
It feels like I'm dreaming

When that blood goes rattling through my veins
My ears start to ring
I notice what matters

And I got nothing to lose but darkness and shadows
Got nothing to lose but bitterness and patterns

When I can't find the way to reach you my love
I'm just not the same
Just the same

When I know you're watching out for me
I know what I'm knowing
I can see what matters

And I got nothing to lose but darkness and shadows
Got nothing to lose but emptiness and hang-ups
Oooo

Oh, when I know you're watching out for me
I look for what matters
And I notice what matters

And I got nothing to lose but darkness and shadows
Got nothing to lose but loneliness and patterns

The flowers blooming, the trains collide
Ahhh
I don't got a thing to lose

i've been numb lately..waiting for a storm that hasn't hit, under sever tornado warning. Trying to conceptualize the upcoming change but losing all the bets...emotional at all the wrong times, and feeling numb at the appropriate sad ones. this move can't happen unless i know someone's watching over me, unless i focus on what matters, unless i am forced to let go of emptiness, bitterness, loneliness, old patterns. WTF do i have to lose, right? well, at the moment it feels like i'm losing everything, and i've forgotten about the flowers yet to bloom. i've never done this before, so my brain is in self sustaining lockdown...forcing itself to ward off the reality and cling onto the familiar..this may also be disguised as sadness and anxiety, fear of the unknown, a survival coping mechanism..all natural patterns of thought. HOWEVER, i need to get a small taste of the flowers blooming. this is totally surreal, and i can't think of any way to put it into typeset, unemotional words. shoulda hired a therapist for an hour or so.. jsut so i could let it all out and get it all straight. but alas, the time has flown, and luckily i've got the blessings of loving friends, and tough loving friends. couldn't survive without any of you fuckies. Plus my family, fucking A!!! Seeing Dad play for the last time for a while was wonderufl. i sorta danced my ass off and wished i played one last show with daddy. here's bit of history on that, written my my pal Jason Chronis : http://ontheroadsouth.blogspot.com/2011/04/zebras.html I nearly tear up when i hear this song and watch this video. ahhh...
So this will prolly be my last ATX post...we'll see how living in the cuts for a few days and a vacation out to slow mo west coast treats me before the adopted and adaptive pace of NY life slays me or pays me. one of my last fond memories of ATX was wandering down the streets to the sounds of Edwawrd Sharpe on the railroad tour, and dance skipping right up to the brilliant view and sounds with G Face, posting up for a song or two, thinking of my mom and k-spot,and how wonderful the company coulda been had timely and monetary circumstances had been different. (woah total runon sentence, wow!).it was refreshing and fun for realz.. but things have changed, for better or worse, the deal is sealed..i'm going y'all, and i won't quit talking or swearing like a texas gal. that's where my heart is..but its time for a breath of fresh polluted air to refuel. YES. heres to not being scared,and starting to get excited. As RT and sisters raya and buffy have said..its gonna be just fine. Last show in the ATX: tomorrow nite White Rabbits (first studio band) and Sour Notes (ex band). this should be interesting and fun. i still have some valuable faces to kiss and hug tomorrow, but it looks like the end will be filled with tunes. that seems like a good sendoff and a wonderfully inspiring beginning ;)

Adios Emo's

ahh, the last visits to last places.. Emo's was tonite.. I saw Watching the Moon, Grape Street (Harlem/Frank Smith side project, ooh lala), Booher and the Turkeys, and Shitty Carwash.. bittersweet, but mostly sweet this evening. Jen and I went together, which has been rather fun these days. I wore this amazing onesie she created herself, and I love her for not only HER, but the seriously legit designs she has created. its wonderful to step outside the box and wear animal prints, plaid, ruffled collars, uniquely placed pleats and gathers, more angular and structured than i usually wear. Its been right up in my face all these years, and honestly, it fucking works with me.. and i just now realized it after scoring quite a few pieces this weekend. it feels good. that's what fashion should do for anyone. a very happy discovery at the garage sale ;). i will be purchasing mucho mas. and hopefully some new yorkers will notice her talent. Memory jogged at emo's tonite..over the years, i've seen a million shows there, seen a million doormen, bartenders, sound peeps..after all my bitching about sold out shows on the outdoor stage, it was nice to rekindle my love with this venue. for one last time this year. sooo. trying to recollect some of the shows i've seen there, its a looong list and i need ginkgo, so here we will try:

TV on the Radio
What Made Milwaukee Famous
Black Kids
Airborne Toxic Event
The Go Team
Beach House
Beach Fossils
Apples In Stereo
Of Montreal
Raveonettes
Washed Out
Javelin
Interpol
The Rapture
Beaulah
Elephant 6 holiday tour
Sebadoh (This Microwave world played with...OMD, what a nite as a band. we were giddy)
The Laughing
Frank Smith
The Arm
Tilly and the Wall
Elf Power (a bunch!)
Hold Steady
Bedhead
Zykos
SoundTeam
White Rabbits
Spoon
The New Year
Canoe (yea corndogs are our friends)
The Minders
The Lilys
The Ponys
Le Tigre
Jay Reatard
And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead
Shitty Carwash
Harlem
Clap!Clap!
New Pornographers
The Unicorns
Arcade Fire (a few times, climb the rafters, yehahh!)
Ghostland Observatory
Voxtrot
belaire

OMG>>>i can't even go on...especially thinking about all the local shows on random weekday nites...i will say this though..when we played there, i was most certainly happy to have such great sound, and to have shared the stage with such greats..i geeked out like that. Sean geeked otu when he and Lou Barlow had the exact same jeans on when we played with. The soundmen were always nice, and DJ gigs were always super grand and $$$..i can't thank emo's enough..will always remember the sparkleberry (Sparks, Vodka, redbull, cranberry). shit kept me going many a nite. Will always remember the courtyard socials, opting for a port o let versus the ladies room line, and OMG the mensroom has no door and was deemed "worst place to take a shit in austin" my Misprint. SRSLY, what's wrong with that ?!?!<3

its official

so i'm totally in heart with Craft Spells, metronomy remixes, and Oberhofer right now.. and the new billboard (!!!yes, billboard i said) of the new Battles album is kinda awesome.. it this glorious glob of pink silly string looking muck that stands high above the i-35 freeway at the 32nd street exit. Sooo weird. i had seen the artwork online but was kinda stunned that a billboard that didn't have miller lite or save a child was posted up on the freeway. i guess the sxsw sponsorship is over and the overly gregarious media front by whathaveyou anti abortion association decided that it may be more appropriate to advertise near the planned parenthood exit. don't get me started, fuck that shit. soo..i officially gave my final quit date at work tonite. its all becoming a reality. and yes, the awkward and indescribable dreams of ex boyfriends, paranoid work situations, unimaginable tiffs with friends have ensued. its nice to wake up and know that reality isn't exactly measured by my dreams..i certainly hope for better ones, but i know my brain, i'm sure there's more to come. speaking of yet to come.. Very pissed i'll be missing the crocodiles and beach fossils and crystal stilts and many others during Austin Psych Fest (Krissie are ya wit me??)..but that's moving weekend for me and i gots to get shit either thrown away or into my parent's storage nook they so kindly cleaned out for me..plus my dads band (some originals and covers by rolling stones, beatles, zombies, kinks, ? and the mysterians, beach boys , you know the drill...its an awesome drill and i wish i could relearn the songs and play w/ em grr...)is playing on moving nite/weekend..in other news, came across some old recordings from random sunday jams with Drivesafe and RT today.. its funny the spontaneous joy that is had when just fucking around on your instrument...and sooo lucky to have the songs;/memories on the ol hard drive. not much else to report.. sucking ass that i can't get sea of bees or the loom on the DL tip, but hopefully soon i'll be able to buy real merch and pay real handclap praise to the bands. Oh and BTW, must intro Gunner to Airwaves...he'd get a kick esp after dana falconberry and friends #notetoself So.. it seems to be raining now.. the wind sounded like a pussy ass beach wave earlier, and it made me wanna visit a texas beach before i move.. prolly not gonna happen but damn, if that's not a powerful and thought provoking time for one to spend with the nature. k, so i'm totes babbling and using the word totes like its appropriate for writing. AKA must stop with this and get some rest. i gave official notice that i'm quitting my job today so i deserve a few cocktails after that big step, following a good weekend of being alone, packing my possessions in near solitude, and thinking. if you were in my head you'd prolly want a glass of wine too. thanks for reading, trying not to be so self absorbed lately..but that shit hurts , forgive me. hearts everyone ")

the Austinite

i don't have much to say, but i have a feeling that my next few blogs will be regarding the whole last days in ATX agenda i have going on. I felt like a total AUstinite today.. went to town lake, jogged for about a half hour.. then headed over to barton springs..dude next to me was trying to smoke weed, but i guess he thought i was some sort of narc lady so he kept it under his blanket. WTF?! not a partaker doesnt = hater. noticed rather obviously that everyones swimsuits are getting smaller by the season.. dont know if i can hang with that. the ruffly boy shorts kinda have me hooked. But i may need a follow up evaluation. BTW< is macarren park (<--sp??) pool an actual pool now? sure as shit hope so!! Slapped on some fake tattoos yesterday and despite my lack of weed, dreadlocks, and hippie/ster swimming attire i felt right at home.. oh wait! i didn'[t stop at daily juice on the way home.. woops! Studied my NFT brooklyn book and David Sedaris short stories underneath the sunrays. pretty nice day.
got in some nice dinner with lovely donations from K-Spot, who so generously stocked my freezer with healthy expensive delicious foodstuffs.. plus ice cream bars, yeeeaah! How is Atlanta i wonder? went dancing with Kandice tonite at Brabarella.. and i say that cuz i wore a bra. yeah big news.. i guess its time to make that a habit. Had a wonderful time. Danced Dirty Dancing style (not dirty, just partnered up like baby and whatever Patrick Swayze was named in that damn movie) with some random dude and it was pretty awesome. Got to practice lots of ballerina steps and had a partner to back me up. homeboy was doing some major break dancing, so i had to play pinch hitter and step off a bit.. damn how the fuck did he do that?!? but i was never put in a corner, har har. bottom line, dancing alone is ALWAYS my thing, yet having a lil partner action was kinda nice, esp w/o groping and all that unjazzy BS. sooo.. "Home" sans krissie is not as fun. last weeks memories danced in my head...just noting it for the record. Kandipants sure gave me some swift moves to emulate, i just don't get how some people can just craze out so naturally...its pretty awesome. caught my ass shazaaming twice tonite...and GODDAMNIT, i WILL buy that record by The Generationals. its waay too catchy to not own. The weeks been nice.. morphed into Paul Pierce, had some polvo's, bday love and laughter..makes me wonder what up next.. but wonder is most def different than doubt.. at least for now <3 so i took this pic of totally random grand piano (one of two i've spotted on the town lake trail) that really reminds me of how crazy/weird/unique/WTF this sweet sweet hometown of mine is..you can see it here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/85739421@N00/5584645236/

the letters on the piano say "Play Me, I'm Yours". fucking rad.

BTW did Best Coast play in College Station tonite? fucking twatter, are you for real?
loves loves,
elfgirl