going coming

its not a settling down weekend. Lots of greenpoint love tonight and saturday shows (radar eyes). Then Friendgiving on Sunday.. luckily this time of mine has bloomed into a lovely and miraculous thing. Only a short year ago it was different...less than...unassuming. (still on the grand cusp of pretty, but open for wounds and otherwise..lonely at the wrong times) This weekend I enter and exit hopefully on the highest of notes, accented by comfort, belonging, friends, ideas, pockets of home found away from home, optimism, and lookings forward to. Grant came in on tour and it was a time of talking about pastimes and Austin times and teeny bits of months and years ago. We all feel the same way.. and get to that point in the most outlandishly different ways. Still the same though. grant is playing for s crowds of thousands.. i am seeing beauty in numbers of 10. everyone wants to carve something out of slate. we all keep trying and tasking. even when we're rewarded, it never seems to climax. when will it all come down? when will it all settle.. and when will the blanket we weave for ourselves be warm enough? always wondering (semi happily, yet still.) Wondering.

pause. blog time!

i just watched the drums cover the supremes. this is prolly an old youtube vid but i sorta am out of touch with stuff right now. Either way, i hearted it TTM and can't fucking wait to be in new york...Just got back from california to visit my bro and niece and friends before moving east.. I love it more every time i go, even though its the land of hippies, dreadlocks, and a section at the store called "goddess sizes". haha. seriously, it pretty much is the most beautiful place with loved loved loved ones who i can't stand to go so long without seeing. I will admit, it is much more, ahem, calm there..and it bugs the shit outta me when things...take..forever... My folks had a realization..that maybe everyone's lax pace of life, the slowness of certain folks, the way of living without the rush...maybe they are all just fucking high as kites. FUCKIN A, why hadn't i thought of that before?!? everyone is just ass stoned and WTF are we so hyped up about?!?! damn, its like a blanket was lifted off my head. spoken like a true non smoker. could be true guys... bottom line, though, fuck it and tsunamis stay away!

So..Its been a whirlwind week..moved out of austin, living with my parents, vacationing..now i'm home sorta..under a beautiful peachy, crescent shape Texas moon. Got home too late to run into the ATX..will certainly miss Karaoke wtih Jen...dancing at Barbs..both of which are going on RFN :( Its cool, sad but cool... things are less stressful and i feel as if i could shun responsibility for another week if i wanted to. But wait! there could be an amazing apartment overlooking a park in Bushwick that could be mine. OMG, calm down erin! so... since i''m saving money and rarely treat myself to fun stuff besides thrift store finds, a decent meal, a nice glass of wine or a massage (all of which i conquered this week too!) i logged into itunes and i realized i had 12 bucks in my account...score!! plus not dancing it all out or having jazzercise around, i bought:

Cut Copy: Need You Now and Where I'm Going
Generationals: Ten-twenty-Ten
Foster the People: Pumped up Kicks
Metronomy: The Look

Honestly i've been jogging a bit, but i really miss the JCize and will prolly take in one more class this week before flying out. Just to get a fix and refresh my memory with the steps..working on a new solo routine, which sorta debuted at a deserted grassy section of the Town Lake trail last week. Nothing like dancing in a summer dress and barefoot, with dirt weaseling up my toes, ahhh... and BTW, yes, its a bathing suit under there fuckies, sheesh! The final analysis: "King of the Beach" on LD, forward flip flop fancy gymnastic move needs a bit of work, and first 8 counts of new routine seem proper. Must pick a song though~! and bow down to any and all dance instructors i made fun of in the past. you gots my mad respect.

so what else..plenty, and more... but again, that moon. gotta take it in while i can y'all <3

this.is.the.real.deal.

so here comes the end of march...birthday party is over. i retired my larry bird jersey for paul pierce.. and i'm ok with that. K-Spot has left the building and i'm in denial about that. i went to see Light Me Up and Boys Life tonite. it was spectacular on all fronts. felt like a second birthday actually. only cuz i had some very HQ people around me..Light Me Up sang a new song "Lucky Penny" and i was almost freaking over with tears. OMG!!!!ahhh..
hungover, pensive, sad today, along with the onset of nightmares (fuck off i thought i sent you fuckers to the corner store yo!) I predict mini freakouts to come.. The realization that i have a month left in this house and this city. its madness. no fucking around anymore. get rid of shit, get plane tix booked, get the idea that YOURE NOT JUST COMING RIGHT BACK into yer head. NY has always been a place i adored, but i caould always come home to somewhere else. No escapes this time. moments of confidence and doubt swing like a pendulum, but thankfully they linger longer at the more uplifting side of the swing. I don't know really how this next month is gonna be.
At the mohawk tonite i heard Edward Sharpe, Crocodiles, Soft Moon, MGMT, etc.. in between bands. Craving a Krissie next to me.. wanted her to see Boys Life really bad cuz she loves the beach fossils and its right up her alley. July will bring BL to new york for 5 shows, and i can't tell you how happy that makes me. even on vacation, i will go see a band from austin, just to witness the tourlife, the crowd reaction. i anticipate many front row spots for ATX bands coming thru the new city. rent or buy some vans fuckies! if i have a room, my floor is all yours!
so...what else is new? well what else is old? i'm clinging to both right now. srsly don't want to blog down the blog with a bunch of personal crap, but hey this.is.the.real.deal. it really does hit all at once. today being the pre all at once day. April is my month of TCBing. can't afford not to. must lay off the vices and get boxes and sell shit and "just get there" as my friend Jenny from denver told me tonite. it is very simple when you put it on the table. all you gotta do is get there. and BTW, getting there isn't half the fun whatsoever. Being very negative and nostalgic..should listen to more of that Naked and Famous album..kinda makes me pumped when it pops up on the ipod as of late. so...sad to miss the psych fest..turns out i will be a moving ass machine that weekend. hauling and trucking whatever belongings i have left to my parents house. The garage sale will certainly be an eye opener. My hope is that my house will be empty, i will be $200 richer, and moving shit will become more carload style versus truck load. Thank GOD! moving blows. Missing ATX psych fest is really gonna be lame (reevaluation of the lineup today AKA stupid internet search). missing intimate and friend fueled shows like tonite and gatherings like last nite are gonna be the lamest. making jokes with my folks and seeing them so often is gonna kill me. BUT i've grown up so much..being sick and conquering demons has been the most grown up and challenging thing i've ever been thru. sometimes it happens when people are 18. i waited a decade for my own awakening. things happen for a reason , i truly believe that. GOD ain't fuckin around here. so bring on the challenge. i'm ready. i'm ready. i'm ready. the worst fear is the unknown, but its also the most thrilling. let's try keep the pendulum on the thrilling side of things. rambling thoughts are out for now...i don't have a therapist or a punching bag, but i have long jogs, jazzercize, upcoming skype dates with K-spot, HQ folks ,shoulders to lean on, and mytwinletoes on my side until shit hits the fan. feeling very nostalgic, thankful, and dare i say optimistic at said moment. goodnite sweet march, its been a great month. let the real madness begin, April, come in like a fucking lion.

i'm hoping to be asleep before the end of this post

insomnia is a bitch. SRSLY. not like sticky syrup fingers after eating waffles bitch, that's merely annoying. not like mistakenly DLing the clean version of the new Kanye album bitch...that's just a lapse in soulseek judgement. Insomnia is a whole different beast of a bitch.. a cold hearted, throat slitting bitch. I'm sitting here kickin it with her now and i can't get her to leave. she makes me wanna think too much and smoke cigarettes for no reason. Those behaviours i do tend to indulge in but kinda trying to cut back on both.. grr..Speaking of insomnia, there was a 24 hour coffee shop near my college dorm, and what was it named?!?! yup, Insomnia. i thought it was the grandest name in the world for a coffee shop. i wish it was next door now..the dent in the mattress midsection isn't the most comfy..speaking of bitch, i'll quit that shit right now!

so in other news...i'm outta the closet on the whole relocation tip. and i must select a coast.. funny how i've always been obsessed with brooklyn bands and the "how the fuck is anyone even in a band in the city?!?" stuff...This past year some favorites came from the west coast.. the beach is good for us. it keeps us human, and makes people want to smoke a ton of weed and make some great tunes. right? hell karen o seemed to like it. ahh, what a way to pick a place to move, huh?

actually i really am thinking this one through..more than ever y'all. hence the insomnia. i'm assuming. Yet with all this deciding and step taking and quivering nerves, the days of thriving in the possibilities of life are seeping back in..taking care of myself and living faithfully in moments (at least trying to, hehe) welcome back also. wasting time, its fucking rubbish...Absurdities and obscenities cannot be forgotten. they are the slices of life.

New Habit Alert: went jogging on the outskirts of a mall parking lot this past weekend, and fuck jogging, let's dance! made up silly routines and pretended i was a dancer, a real one at least. sometimes a ballerina...sometimes a celtics cheerleader.. whatthefuckever..it was freedom. Freedom like a jog in the country the morning after i decided to decide...when i didn't even mind the sun and had spontaneous dancing in the pasture... So far my favorite songs are "Mien" by Million Young for modern/interpretive dance, "Chinatown" by Wild Nothing for ballet, and of course "Home" by Edward Sharpe for skipping.. <--that one would be funner with a partner. If K-Spot is reading, hey, that was for you!

New Habit Alert #2: Jazzercise. $20 for 12 classes. Let's make a Deal yo

New Habit Alert #3: board games. must play them more. i think my dream job would be the person who though up all the stupid questions and topics, and such..not too savvy on an exact example right now.. but working on a game seems just as much fun as playing it, especially if it involves word games. Oh and PS-have you ever fucking tried to MAKE a crossword puzzle of your own. that shit is an insomniatic bitch too! AKA difficult.

ok...so year end lists arriving in a while probably in top 10 form..we'll see...just read K-Spot's worst itunes puchases of 2010, and i was in stitches. tomorrow will dive into the pitchfork list of best and worst album covers of the year...one of my favorite articles this year was about modern bands using old photos or digitally dehancing them to look completely antique, i suppose its called hipstamaticulating? ha. czech it here if you like: This is Not a Photograph http://pitchfork.com/features/articles/7833-this-is-not-a-photograph/1/

especially if you are someone who has "a specific lifestyle that merges real-life obligations with the desire to stay deliriously young." <---damn i love that line.

and with that, i think the bitch went to bed. Tomorrow is today,g'nite <3

totally random and prolly won't be about music at all.

pre titled post. just have so much to say, and not sure if i am going to bring music into it, but IDFK really , there's a lot going on in the elfin brain. neurotransmitters are firing..sometimes actually landing on the right receptor..

* tonite was genius. an atypical tuesday nite.. went to coffee shop/food/bar spiderhouse and met up with HQ boy and HQ girls...i like it when different sets of friends get on

* my parents i absolutely adore. they are the best TTM!

*danced in HQ boys living room to Bruce Springsteen Youtube videos..Dancin in the dark and Born to Run. i hate saying epic, obviously, but shit Born to Run as a video, as an experience in my head.. was actually epic. how does it feel to have such a seemingly good time with your bandmates, high kicking, back to back playing, swaggering confidently to a stadium full of double armed yelling mfuckers and christlike praise?!?! again IDFK, but staged or not, those E streeters and the boss had fucking fun.

*ive not one dirty piece of clothing.. laundry conquered.. and i realize i enjoy clean PJs just as much, if not more, than clean sheets.

*i think that just general years spent on earth usually outweigh actual experiences. for example, i feel a lil more capable of seeing things in a different (i didnt' say better, just different..better, well, who knows?) manner than someone 10 yrs younger than myself. And yes, i have interactions with this age group all the time. and yes, perhaps youthful fame, sickening trauma involving death or death on earth (imagine what you will), and an inherited surname could be excluded..

*i see myself riding on a subway home, bleary eyed, yet with a nervous itch in my tummy waiting to spew with giddiness and the realization that I have in fact, done whatever it is i wanted to do.. But prolly it was spending time with a fictional "you"

*satisfaction won't come without facing lingering desires,. esp the ones that appear in your nightmares. and then resurface every waking second.

*i have an over reaction to coffee and the places i drink it most at. i never order enough, and i never leave satisfied. never/always. its like cigarettes.

*really would i have this much fun if i was your sister? i just count on being that valuable i suppose?

*ariel pink and matt fishbeck have me ...lyrics that i can decipher are here: "you can talk about the way you understand me. but i don't think you really understand me. go ahead and write my whole life story. sell it to my mother,for a good reaction, I'm sure she'd love to know....." sorta hopeless

WOW, ok..holy christ and then

"let every man sing his tune..note the changes in his voice... listen carefully and rejoice... " sorta hopeful

WOW realizing and feeling someTHING, and then..

" walking up the avenue i hear the bells chime.....ringing into my step and i feel so fine, knowing theres a place for me to ease my mind, knowing theres no reason to be unkind, oh the places we could go.." screw hope this is real!

*I adore deciphering songs like i did just above. i may not know two shits about the real meaning of this song but i sure as hell want to make it into a story. i also want my brothers to hear this song. this song reminds me of jeff mangum.

*Red Lights by Holy Fuck is sorta awesome. It had K-Spot still on the dancefloor, and my niece loooves the kitty cat vid.

*got wind of a Wavves/Best Coast collaboration for Target. super enticing. i hope its about the dollar spot or the fancy christmas chocolate sale going on as we speak.

* too much on my mind right now, but glad to dream a lil dream with fast typing hands and a virtual notebook i call my twinkletoes.

gnite

candy claws, millionyoung (thanks K-Spot), deerhunter, cults,and grandchildren. i want nothing else right now musically. on a more personal note, if you wanna gimme fiction, these nightmares and wanderlust thoughts would quit. but they don't seem to be stopping. so its a fact, elfgirl land is guilty without reasonable doubt...of confusion, suffocation, and negative analysis. i would hope to really be satisfied with just being happy with what i have. But i'm realizing i can't. i don't know if i should blame the sadistic media, my own musings, or the general fairytales i create about anyone else's life but mine.. either way, i need something else. i want to see myself changing every day..making little advances. (<--FUTURE ISLANDS!!!) i talk and talk, but can't take myself on a walk. so i will fly to portland, travel to atlanta with Krissie, text my boss in new york, and just be with my thoughts. try to figure it out. cuz right now, i have to think bigger than what i'm presuming i'm capable of. Team Fab made it into Nylon magazine this month. instead of champagne we drank Lone Star in celebration. a shitty picture and a blurb about DJing is really awesome when its in print. at least for us! all smiles... Also in Nylon's America issue: Boston,Nashville, Portland, blah blah, i havent even read the entire damn thing. but definitely some food for thought. anyways, a big shout out to my HQ friends whose ears i talk all the way off about this shit.. maybe i'll have something more interesting to say now that ive written it all out and can get off my own soap box..mmm...how about some Fun Fun Fun?!?!g'nite yalls.

Tip of your Tongue

"dont waste your breath on formality." From Tip of Your Tongue by Porcelain Raft.

don't waste your breath or your time. sometimes i have such an aversion to pain that i dont' let myself do fun stuff like fall in love or get tattoos and shit. or say what's on the tip of my tongue. this is my favorite song today. <3