ATTN: Dudes

....who live miles and miles away, who are emotionally unavailable, who text two word replies, who i can't figure the fuck out, who are significantly younger, who make me too nervous to be myself around..

feel free to hit me up, apparently i'm still way into your type.

glorified morning rant

the only thing i can tolerate in the mornings lately is deerhunter. Maybe it soothes the fatigue and frustration. today especially I'm finding it super annoying that people on the facebook constantly use the phrase "should of" versus "should have" or "should've". Hell, I'd take "shoulda" over the former any day. love writing about this type of shit on the most ungrammatically correct forum ever. F it.

probably should close this friggin facebook tab yo, since the grammar mistake police are on high aggravation alert. Come on Bradford, help me out here...keep singing..the book is like fucking smoking..its always around to provide a small amount of fun, and sometimes its quite rewarding..BUT most often its pretty boring, a disgusting display of the intolerable attributes of everyday person. and i have more productive and healthier options.. yet i can't fully quit. whatever.. Hazel Street....yum

oh and i have a gay man crush. also a straight man crush. Harmless right? Crushes are fun. plus a sexy dream with someone i follow on the Twitter.. is any of this @ worthy? Bahahaha, i think not. pffsshh...

BTW, tweets are excluded from the laws of language due to the character limit. Annoying facebook posts are not.

I'm learning to accept whatever I can get..thanks Deerhunter.

everyones a someone

so many things i want to write about at the moment.. Not much in the mood to organize the past month (awesome)..much less try articulate via typos and unmapped thought patterns how grand things can be(and without a doubt how completely peculiar and 10 sheets to the wind fucked up they can be) i will write only a tad. honestly i promised myself i'd get a sketch pad or blog daily to get the gears running. And surprise! ive no sketch pad in site.. ( BUT......# 2 pencil check!)i'll just post a quickie. a rant. a message. to anyone who cares: please don't say anything remotely awkward or haphazard to me..even if it can somehow can be twistered into some sort of back handed compliment..just don't say it. i don't have the energy to read anyones neuropathways at the time, and i'd rather hear something put on the table, loud and clear. But only if its nice. that's all i can handle. and that's all i really need to hear. so thank you. cuz i'll seriously cry if i hear anything else. and then whoever said it feels bad and then i feel weird for being emotional. and yes admittedly im being over dramatic right now. but that's my right and i'll exercise that shit till its dead..or till i get my spark back. so yeah, just don't think too hard and play it cool. thanks for hearing me out ya fuckies.

words will break my laughing muscles. SXSW

WOW, did you hear the news?!!? so. it was a violent fest. i hate that shit. we're trying to have fun and we don't want to end up in a hospital or searching for cotton balls we don't have in our fucking purses cuz when the fuck would we need those? bandaids perhaps, but shit.. wanna be scotch tape doesn't stop the bleeding. i can count the number of scary episodes at sxsw this year (and the many thanks for my lack of presence at said events):

1) the strokes at auditorium shores for free. fuckies stormed the barricades and all of a sudden RIverside drive onlookers had a blocked off street and a place to bro down at the shitsville festival style BS atmosphere that is Auditorium Shores. gugh. has anyone seen the strokes live? not worth the madness. musically perhaps, but check your egos at airport security please!!!!!

2) Screeching Weasel fuckface decided to punch two WOMEN at the scoot in. FUCK YOU twice. san antonio show cancelled either cuz homie is in jail or will get his ass beat. thank you LA times and all the interweb velocity for getting the word out on this..shit TTM. srsly, just search Screeching Weasel gets into Fight! on YouTube. gross

3) Boom camera arm at OMD show at stubbs fell on crowd and sent two ppl to the ER.This was an official SXSW showcase w/ improper permits.

4) DFA played at the beauty bar where alley onlookers broke down the fenced barricade. is on Youtube and looks not toooo bad, but screams of a girl needing help never sets my heart at east. Nice interim jokes told by DFA whilst the APD had to TCB on horses.

So aside from some superduper amazing nice shows, which i will write about later, i'll close with a few memorable quotes from the week:

1)" now would be a great time to be on psychadelics" - some bro hanging out at Flamingo Cantina awaiting the only Atlas Sound show at SXSW. K-spot and myself agreed that the general monstrosity of the sponsorship logos and oddly placed gold watch dealer banner would put anyone on psychadelics into a tailspin. #beerisgood

2)"man i wish i could get into a fight right now!" some dudester just kicking it, post 2:15 AM on east 5th street on the walk to my car last night. srsly bro, the pure volume house is not worth a fight.

3)"You are not an Ostrich" -kpsot telling me that my outstretched neck wouldn't even be able to see the end of the line at longbranch inn for Gobble Gobble and Cloud Nothings. Thank GOD cuz we posted up early fuckies and were rewarded with the madness of houseparty style dancing and noise <3

4)"Can I Kiss you" -homeless dude "no"-Me "Can i give you a hug?" -homeless dude "no but thank you anyway" --me. "I like your demeanor" --homeless dude. This was an extrememly awesome interaction witha non begging homeless man. dare i say i was smiling the whole time?!? well i was, out of laughter and maybe a bit of 'GODDAMNIT I LOVE AUSTIN!!" but the smell was a bit intrusive.. said homieless was spotted eating out of trashcan tonite, FYI

5) "my mic smells like beard." --Aaron Sinclair of Frank Smith. I found it to be the least vulgar of things one could say about a weiner shaped apparatus. just sayin.

6) "can i get more applause in my monitor?"-- Lead singer of Smith Westerns. funny as hell, but a complete DB the entire time. WTF? hate that shit. file that under too young to be so idolized by the pitchfork readers...and don't let shit go to yer head.

i would write more about the amazing music i saw (Dom, Gobble Gobble, Cloud Nothings, Soft Moon, Summer Camp, The Lemurs, Beach Fossils AKA the nicest band ever, Hunx, Royal Bangs, No Age..etc) and the ultra fun DJ gig with Jen a la Team Fabrication style... but girls gotta rest. Maybe a regrets and highlights blog to come?? so...Spring Break is officially cashed. only the week, not the mentality, hee hee.. Kanye or not (emphasis on not damnit!!) it was breathtaking and sentimental..and was enjoyed with the greatest of forever friends... i'm talking to you RT, Krissie, Gunner, Jen, Damon, and new friends, my Brazilian homies from the band Constantina (hailing frome Belo Horizante) as well. <3 special thanks for my bro, sis in law, and my folks for coming in to enjoy the march madness. Special thanks to Rio Rita double espresso over ice with a shot of sweet n low and cream. and maddd thanks to the door peeps/ bartenders at shang, gypsy,Longbranch, rio rita, hotel vegas, mohawk, and everyone for being so bushy tailed and grinning ANY time a regular like myself/us stormed up amongst a sea of tourists. it'll be hard to leave home after such hospitality. TAKE A BREAK KIDS>>> its much deserved ;) and TYVM for GVBear for an excellent party at the Klub K. kinda got excited that HRO tweeted that Matt Bonner was at said party. Go Spurs..sort of..i mean, after the celtics of course ;) oh and diazepam, old school homeowner on east 6th with 1$ watter bottles and cokes, plus Sopranos reruns to lull me to bed..much love and hugs ;)

BTW, i got prime viewing for surfer blood and dead milkmen on the top of the cheesesteak smelling lonestar stocking #19 bus..all hail buddy Tim for the bus and awesome food trailer invasion of east austin. here's a mini vid:

the house of fashion

my friend RT said i should get ready for dudes wearing shiny silver spacesuits and giving themselves hardons because of it. on the subway. well i'm not even there, and I'm over it. IT!!! i'm also over the whole single rat tail dreadlock (emphasis on DREAD) i see many a dudebro fuckie sporting around town, mainly after the PBR run or buffalo exchange. Okay, I'M BEING AN ASSHOLE--- yeah i get it. Guilty as charged. maybe i'm jealous of the stylish girls or maybe i'm too broke to afford what i really want to buy, whether or not its what they have or a la croix or rodarte dress i just saw in elle. but seriously, everyone looks the fuckin same, and everything hits at once. too much at once. trying to make a statement has become the most mundane statement on the planet. for the most part, people are sweet and jovial when you spend an actual second to have an actual meet up or conversation...and style really, truly doesn't define a persons true essence, all cards on the table . I guess i just don't get what and why things are fashionable. at said moment at least. or is it a certain attitude i try to look past but am intimidated by? i like to think not because i try my hard, hard, hardest to be with and around everyone i see, and i'm usually rewarded by this mantra. i guess, well, i'm just ranting right now. dammnnnitt!!! oh and also i'm admitting, i'm sick of my wardrobe. i'm sick of trends. i want more flashy accessories, i want bejeweled vintage waist cinching dresses (thanks a lot Mad Men) and i don't have them. plus warm boots and textured leggings. waah wahh for me. okay i'm stoppping . i can do better than this BS. but wait, this isn't BS is it?!? or is it!??! God help me and the rat tails . hearts xo

Epic is a four letter word.

i'm so fucking tired of the overuse of this fucking word. it should die an epic death. why is everything awesome now epic? i'm guilty of using it and writing it on occasion but seriously, its starting to make my stomach fucking turn. yes i love four letter words also, but this ones got to go. Epic parties! epic fun! epic songs! epic scenes! shits gonna be epic! WTF?! give it a rest. never took the the whole bananas thing either, but really we don't need to make everything cool,somewhat interesting, funny, large in size, neat, off the beaten path, innovative, savvy, or pleasurable "epic." Admittedly, i dont judge anyone for using it, its pretty much a buzz word, and its all over the place..i'm bitching about its overuse not the people who use it.

according to a more-reliable-than-not website, the proper definition of epic is: < heroic, larger-than-life (very imposing or impressive; surpassing the ordinary (especially in size or scale)) "an epic voyage"; "of heroic proportions"; "heroic sculpture" >

Obviously the word has power,if not takes the reigns and defines it. My mind wanders to times when i use the word most, and i lead straight to either music or perfectly penned scenes in movies. Perhaps getting married is an epic occasion, or giving birth..wait isn't that a miracle? either way...i have only one story to live and i've only seen so much... so.. according to this definition,the last time i appropriately used the word was when i saw Arcade Fire perform live at ACL a few years ago. YEARS. That show was larger than life to me. calling it a show doesn't do it justice, it was a fucking performance. regine was heroic on the keys, flailing around like an she was being exsorcised. Rafters were climbed, every song was an anthem. Of course i've seeen many great shows since then. I saw many before. Each is special in their on way...good, bad, moving,boring,awe inspiring... But the Arcade Fire put on a production worthy of epic. That also said, just because it was epic, doesn't mean it was the best show i've ever seen... but it did surpass the ordinary in an extraordinary way. And that is epic to me. a word we all know and have usually dismissed until...lately. GRRR!!!

Rambling on...ranting more...I guess everyone has their own associations to certain words...maybe these are words like cunt or wastebasket or tacky. Some words just sit well with people while sitting uncomfortably with someone else. Apparently epic is having its way with me. its the new alternative..but shit, that term stuck around and became a washed out and rained on umbrella term for sub culture. and obviously it took away meaning. oh epic, people are sucking you dry, and as much as i hate a lot of the assholes that keep using you, i love my guilty self and the non assholes a whole lot more. so before the plague of epic turns upon itself, may i suggest some other ways to describe fun things? how about dazzling,grand,can't fucking miss,knocked my socks off...etc etc... amazing and awesome are fine too. badass is fantastic.

see, this is what TMI does to me.. Too much internet.. i'm all huffy about a stupid word that everyone including me uses, i've been sick all week and without a telly... the world at my fingertips, its been lot of wasted internetting but srsly if i had a penny for the # of times on each website i saw the word epic, i'd have a chunk of change of e**c proportions. WTF. fuck it. FUNFUNFUNFEST is this weekend!